Idol Thoughts

Just let me appreciate you,

and enjoy your presence,

Not thinking a thing,

just soaking in your essence.

Fingertips, dipped in loves ink,

drawing doodles of admiration,
your skin is my canvas,
tattooed with imagination.

Sensations surreal, 

I feel as if I am reeling.  

Dealing  with displacement, 

wondering where time and space went.

Occurs to me life is a blur,

around us.

It's just like we're blessed, 

we found US.

All I need and want is your love.

All I heed is the wont in your love.

Moments like the above, 

make other comparisons pale.

Holding you tight, 

like without you I'm frail. 

Grinning at the thoughts,

between deep breaths and exhales.

By

LA Kellam 

Mission Perfect

Not performing up to my potential,
has left me paralyzed.
Reluctance to react,
through self reflection, realized.
The time is here,
my goal is near,
Inhale, deep breaths so my mind can clear.
Exhale, and all I find is fear.
It's not fear of failure,
or stumble till humbled I fall.
It's succeeding and finding my best,
amongst its peers compared small.
The burden to live up to past success,
makes modest achievements, not matter at all.
This fear arrests my limbs,
and causes my actions to stall.
Perfection's existence and attainability,
are just a pair of lies.
I no longer depend on them,
now I use them as guides.
Once pursuit of perfection,
had left me paralyzed.
Now every misstep,
is an opportunity to rise,
striving to do better,
a better me, perfectly, realized.

By L.A. Kellam jr

Happy Nobody Day

I am no body, thats what my phone say
those I expected , had neglected call me.
maybe i am the victim, the villain for losing touch,
the hero for doing what is right, shouldn't hurt this much.

What did I expect? respect? I'm such a lame,
cause when my parents split up, I straight up did the same. 
made myself busy, to not deal with the man that shares my name.
it took a time span, but damn Karma came.

Eyes front, focused on the future, and further,
Understudy to the role, determined to be a better father.
Now I regret, I neglected to pay attention to any other one,
coulda Been a better man, a better husband, and a better son,
I was an ok brother, but shoulda been a better one.


I hope you understand and have a different fate than me,
become the change you want to see don't just wait for me,
Confession, my lesson, it may be too late for me,
We shall see

Welcome Back Martyr

Five boroughs raised me, blessed me with their essence,
The prodigal son, the city weeps at my presence.
I been gone for minute, not servin' bid or a sentence,
I was on my own, needed to grow independence,
I had to brake the cycle of self entitlement and dependence,
I been broken down humbled and rebuilt through repentance,
My peers never respected me, they disregarded and neglected me,
I am the black sheep of a dark horse no one expected me
A man I stand before you baptized by fire,
a flame that grows tame, when compared to my desire.
to inspire with each breath, I swear, every energy spent,
for those that choose, to use, my words and not b complacent.


BY LA Kellam

Love Odyssey

Divine love,
the above,
defined in the scripture.
My definition,
lots of images,
thousand words in each picture.
After the volumes,
of albums,
I doubt it would help.
For you,
pages are blank,
you need to find out yourself.
You need to blaze your own trail,
sail the seven seas for yourself,
At your journeys end,
you attempt to seize it your self
the result though you wont believe me
you have to sees it yourself.

Like the lesson of fire,
from warnings,
hardly we've learned.
Curious beauty mesmerized,
education memorized,
through the scars it burned.
So too, You reached out for love,
and feel dumb,
for there's none in your grasp.
Maybe its something you done,
fine comb over your past,
soon self doubt,stress,
anger and depression will pass.
You may debate as of late,
the ones you dated on your path,
some you regard with a sigh,
some you regard with a laugh.
Finally you can put this nonsense behind you,
And once you are done with love,
thats when it comes to find you.

By
LA Kellam

Gone

Thinking about you,
foolish i was to doubt you,
I might have to learn to be without you,
Regardless if i scream and shout you
are gone.

By LA Kellam

Uneven

Words can't define,
the divine feeling, that I find in your essence.
The anxiety blast,
that lasts after your presence.
So unexpected,
conflicted , to once again be smitten by love.
No religion to turn to,
yet I worship you daily my love.
Peers ridicule,
that I am a fool to yearn to hug and kiss you.
Driven to the brink,
with each blink, I start to miss you.
And that is when you're still near,
I fear when we part.
Overcome and overwhelmed,
by words coming straight from my heart
And all the meanwhile,
not knowing what to say you just smile

By LA Kellam

Love Knocks

I must say "you and I",

is totally unexpected,

Truthfully I have no idea,

Why I here, been selected.

trying to see if your vision of me,

is really I, reflected.

What has been neglected?

Rose colored class, can hide

my glaring imperfections from the eye.

I try, to supply facts that 

I'm deserving.

I am at a loss for words,

that fact  unnerving.

I am not ready of your love

 even my own, thats disturbing.

It hurts to stop and put up a road block,

 redirect you another way,

This may come as a shock,

there is no better way,

Opportunity for love I hear you knock

I am not ready and walk away

LA Kellam

Death of the Unconditional

Bumping into people, crowded city streets,

Feeling all alone.

Yeah I got friends, but in the end,

I'm by myself in my home.

Going to the same places,
sickening smiling blushing faces,
happy, crappy, carbon copy clones.
Made up holiday, with hearts and cartoons,
placed up on cards and balloons,
Hah!!  The mindless drones.
Pretending there is nothing amiss,
with this production to create,
epic revenue streams,
seems unloving if I don't participate.
The unconditional,
has become fictional.


LA Kellam

Let it Go

Decided to go through Nostalgia
a trip through memory lane
Expected relived glory
Instead received pain
Great expectations
led to disappointments again

Heart was guilty of the deception,
Fault was based on perception,
Penny for my thoughts,
This was flawed,
from it's inception.


By
LA Kellam

Affirmation

Everything will be fine.
Of all percieved obstacles you'll find,
The truly tough ones exsist in your mind.
Endure the grind,
One sure footed step at a time.
Soon you'll look behind,
Amazed at how far you have climbed.
But put that big picture aside.
Soon you will be overwhelmed with pride,
When you realize,
The size,
Of the strength that resides,
Inside.

By
LA Kellam

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How Sad

No matter your weapon,
Harsh words, knives,the kids or social media.
Your actions reek of desperation.
Your photo in the definition in the encyclopedia,
Better yet the dictionary,
Despite the pain,
You remain,
In my heart till your obituary.




By LA Kellam

I believe love should be simple

I believe love should be simple,
I do not need any of the perceived complexity,
The hardest thing about it,
Is that you aren't next to me.
I have no one to lean on,
no one to confess to,
No way to decompress,
When life gets too stressful.
When i'm already pessimistic,
and my half empty  cup's even less full
Life and drama combine,
trying to test my mettle,
Blurring clearly defined, fine lines,
trying stress my mental,
Hopping the challenge I would decline,
And defeated I would just settle.
"The One", "Soulmate", "True Love",
Is what I thought others have been,
Whats past has passed so the above,
I consider them has beens.
I'm not looking for a substitute mom,
a undercover dom or a sycophant,
I just want to be treated with respect,
and expect to feel significant.
Magnificent and far fetched it would seem,
even as a dream to a dreamer dreaming with in a dream.
A way to turn reality, from fantasy
There must be.
It is essential, I am not loved for potential,
by someone who "gets" me,
I am tired of falling short of the "best" me,
I should be worthy of love
By being just me

BY
LA Kellam

Why one becomes two

Everyday,
was like Valentine's.
Now,
The aftermath of violent crimes.
I used to think we were at our worst,
during those silent times.
The quiet would hurt my ears,
Nothing to distract me from my fears.
Suddenly its hard to keep breathing,
As if I'm no longer allowed
Walls are closing in
It is so deafenin'
My thoughts are too loud.
Mind going back,
Scrutinizing every Detail
When did we get of track?
At which point did we derail?
and even if we went back
Could we prevent that we would fail?
Would we try?
Relationships take two,
I wish I could make you,
See,
at best  you were never complete you
I was never a complete me
Two broken people,
make a faulty foundation,
But we went ahead anyway.
Thats why US,
is just YOU and I  today.


LA Kellam

If I had the Strength

Is it so hard to ask,
For a love of my own,
I am tired of this "relationship",
Still feeling like I'm alone.
Is it me or am I mistaken,
Are the good ones always taken?
You love me, You love him
Yet, I rank above him?
But you are still with him?
Confused, you plead to be forgiven
Empty apologies,
Taken to an empty bed
Visions of a smoking gun,
Empty shell by my emptied  head.
Your sweet love is not worth,
Entertaining inscriptions on my tombstone,
With these self destructive thoughts,
I would rather be alone.
If I only had the strength,
to be on my own.

By,
LA Kellam

Why I Write? (Carmen's Poem)

Sometimes I need to be inspired,
sometimes I need to be moved,
sometimes I am doubted,
and my talent must be proved.
Sometimes I write about love,
sometimes about of the journey of the dead,
sometimes I am just providing a soapbox,
for one of the voices in my head.
Sometimes the words come so easy,
sometimes the creativity runs dry,
sometimes I write to make people laugh,

sometimes to make them cry,

sometimes I hate what I'm writing,

and wonder why I even try.

But thats when I realize,

Every time I write, Its for me,

And honestly that is why.

By LA Kellam

Love?

What is love to you?
What is love to me?
Is love truly as simple,
as seen on TV?

Is it a rapid type emotion?
Or is it rather slow?
Does it happen with a potion?
I will never know.

The only thing I do know,
is the one thing we are all sure of.
This thing is real confusing,
This thing we call love.

LA Kellam

Missed Shot at Love Rebounded

I reminisce and think back,
high school,  you, on my lap,
fingertips, seem custom fit,
as I knowingly grip,
your  flawless and superb,
beautiful curves.

I didn't think I could handle you,
but I learned quick.
Ego got the best of me,
I tried being slick,
took you for granted,
and you were lost,
the price of being humbled was steep,
and you were the cost.

Every now and then i think of you,
and from afar I admire you,
ashamed that you may see
that i am not how you remember me.
But the years have done little to hide,
the competitive fire, you inspire
inside.

My sons know about you,
they want to meet you,
I will guide them,
and teach them what it takes,
and hopefully in the clutch,
they won't repeat my mistakes.

LA Kellam

My Perfect Balance

Mind is always racing,
pace seems five steps ahead,
old age setting in,
keep forgetin' the first few.
Steady focused on the Ends,
the Means never enter into view.
Then there's you,
from where?  it depends,
always been, but for some you are new,
already inner circle so there's no getting in,
easing the tension in my head,
prepared for whatever i may be facing .

LA Kellam

Now I Listen

I feel like I'm some one else,
stepping outside myself,
to witness me become the me I should have been,
debating the impact of what could of... would of been.

Knowing what I know now,
how,
I wish I could change fate,
But already its too late.

Hindsight is is 20/20, silence is golden,
holdin' on to memories of what was spoken,
hopin' diamonds in the rough still glisten,
recyclin' thoughts for overlooked  wisdom.

LA Kellam