Uneven

Words can't define,
the divine feeling, that I find in your essence.
The anxiety blast,
that lasts after your presence.
So unexpected,
conflicted , to once again be smitten by love.
No religion to turn to,
yet I worship you daily my love.
Peers ridicule,
that I am a fool to yearn to hug and kiss you.
Driven to the brink,
with each blink, I start to miss you.
And that is when you're still near,
I fear when we part.
Overcome and overwhelmed,
by words coming straight from my heart
And all the meanwhile,
not knowing what to say you just smile

By LA Kellam

Death of the Unconditional

Bumping into people, crowded city streets,

Feeling all alone.

Yeah I got friends, but in the end,

I'm by myself in my home.

Going to the same places,
sickening smiling blushing faces,
happy, crappy, carbon copy clones.
Made up holiday, with hearts and cartoons,
placed up on cards and balloons,
Hah!!  The mindless drones.
Pretending there is nothing amiss,
with this production to create,
epic revenue streams,
seems unloving if I don't participate.
The unconditional,
has become fictional.


LA Kellam

I believe love should be simple

I believe love should be simple,
I do not need any of the perceived complexity,
The hardest thing about it,
Is that you aren't next to me.
I have no one to lean on,
no one to confess to,
No way to decompress,
When life gets too stressful.
When i'm already pessimistic,
and my half empty  cup's even less full
Life and drama combine,
trying to test my mettle,
Blurring clearly defined, fine lines,
trying stress my mental,
Hopping the challenge I would decline,
And defeated I would just settle.
"The One", "Soulmate", "True Love",
Is what I thought others have been,
Whats past has passed so the above,
I consider them has beens.
I'm not looking for a substitute mom,
a undercover dom or a sycophant,
I just want to be treated with respect,
and expect to feel significant.
Magnificent and far fetched it would seem,
even as a dream to a dreamer dreaming with in a dream.
A way to turn reality, from fantasy
There must be.
It is essential, I am not loved for potential,
by someone who "gets" me,
I am tired of falling short of the "best" me,
I should be worthy of love
By being just me

BY
LA Kellam

If I had the Strength

Is it so hard to ask,
For a love of my own,
I am tired of this "relationship",
Still feeling like I'm alone.
Is it me or am I mistaken,
Are the good ones always taken?
You love me, You love him
Yet, I rank above him?
But you are still with him?
Confused, you plead to be forgiven
Empty apologies,
Taken to an empty bed
Visions of a smoking gun,
Empty shell by my emptied  head.
Your sweet love is not worth,
Entertaining inscriptions on my tombstone,
With these self destructive thoughts,
I would rather be alone.
If I only had the strength,
to be on my own.

By,
LA Kellam

Love?

What is love to you?
What is love to me?
Is love truly as simple,
as seen on TV?

Is it a rapid type emotion?
Or is it rather slow?
Does it happen with a potion?
I will never know.

The only thing I do know,
is the one thing we are all sure of.
This thing is real confusing,
This thing we call love.

LA Kellam

Missed Shot at Love Rebounded

I reminisce and think back,
high school,  you, on my lap,
fingertips, seem custom fit,
as I knowingly grip,
your  flawless and superb,
beautiful curves.

I didn't think I could handle you,
but I learned quick.
Ego got the best of me,
I tried being slick,
took you for granted,
and you were lost,
the price of being humbled was steep,
and you were the cost.

Every now and then i think of you,
and from afar I admire you,
ashamed that you may see
that i am not how you remember me.
But the years have done little to hide,
the competitive fire, you inspire
inside.

My sons know about you,
they want to meet you,
I will guide them,
and teach them what it takes,
and hopefully in the clutch,
they won't repeat my mistakes.

LA Kellam

My Perfect Balance

Mind is always racing,
pace seems five steps ahead,
old age setting in,
keep forgetin' the first few.
Steady focused on the Ends,
the Means never enter into view.
Then there's you,
from where?  it depends,
always been, but for some you are new,
already inner circle so there's no getting in,
easing the tension in my head,
prepared for whatever i may be facing .

LA Kellam

Soulmate

As of late, Soulmate
there is a debate if you exist.
I too am about, to doubt,
without the presence of your kiss.
Barely manageable, without tangible,
affection.
Hurt with disgrace, cause I chose to place,
vulnerabilities without protection.
Blame for my shame,
should be directed in my direction.
For I have grown impatient,
Or perhaps you are late,
Or perhaps we will never know,
And perhaps that's just our fate.

By LA Kellam

About Us

Your smile for a sec,
made me forget, who we are
In reality,
chaotic insanity of the E.R,
Give a rest,
to beating on the chest, C.P.R
From mistakes learn,
later return, with corrections
You hate,
I hesitate hasty resurrections
Conceding defeat,
unable to meet, impossible expectations
You keep trying to fix us with parts already broken,
You minimize my actions, ignoring words spoken.
Non lucidity obscures the lunacy in holding on to whats gone,
Equally insane to remain tagging along.

LA Kellam

Back on Track

First it was a hopeful dream,
at the root spawned by lust.
Then out the blue you reapeared,
now there's a chance for us.
Our meeting was not by chance, 
without a choice,  it was a must.
Without you I admit fits get to me,
But its destiny, and in it I trust.

LA Kellam

Offering

Life flows, bushes of  rose
blossom above.
Deceiving eyes?Before me lies,
your altar of love.
It must be, you found worthy,
characteristics of my character.
Silent prayer through lips, finger tips,
caress the lavender.
Well versed in rituals rehearsed through infinity.
Immersed in spiritual rapture captured through Divinity.

LA Kellam

His Love

I wonder to myself,
Why he doesn't love me?
I placed him up on a pedestal,
Oblivious he is that he is above me.

I try to meet his every need,
Yet abhorrently, he is ignoring me,
I keep thinking with every deed,
He is a step closer to adoring me.

I try for his attention,
Try to buy his affection,
Long ago he promised me his love,
But he lied to me,
All I wanted from him,
All along was denied to me,
Images of that smug face,
Haunted me, and taunted me defiantly.

Despite that I feel,
this anger, this rage.
I love him after all,
IT conquers all,
I am turning the page.

I'm here expecting respect,
No I am not going to hide,
For a moment our glances met in the mirror,
But quickly his adverted to the side.
In that instant from my view,
He has too much pride,
To admit what he knew,
We need to be level,
united, honest and true.
He is ready to work with me for the better,
And he is sorry That he acted like he was above me,
He admits we need to move on together,
I just need to make sure he loves me.

- Respectfully,
Louis